Hard Choices
by bluebirdheart
Summary: [Chapter 4 Now Posted - Patroclus is a young teen and getting into some mischief. Including racing Alec and being caught.] Growing up is hard for everyone, including Patroclus. A series of segments based on Patroclus's life with Achilles as his guardian. What makes a true warrior? Rated T. NO SLASH.
1. The Dog

Hard Choices

**A/N: **Patroclus is about eleven or twele in this scene. And learns a hard lesson about choices and honor. NO SLASH.

edited - 7/20/13 - I need to include a **WARNING: This scene contains te death of a dog. If this isn't your thing - please continue to the next chapter which is a LOT lighter. **I rewrote the ending because when I would think about it - I didn't like it. I write for myself so if I didn't like the way it ended...then it needed to be changed.

edited - 3/12/13; I reworked the majority of this story. I wasn't happy with how it was flowing. I changed some things around to better the content, but the concept is the same.

**Disclaimer: ...I do not own...**

I nervously flipped the stone around in my hand. My eyes were locked on the creature in front of me though. The dog limped forward a few steps as if trying to escape the alley, but I could tell he was trapped. Finally realizing the same, the old dog bared his teeth as if trying to convince us to move out of his way.

"Pathetic old animal." A snarl came from the dog as a rock knocked him along the side, followed by a menacing laugh.

"Aim for the head next time, Epiktetos."

"Ol' Hesiod will regret making a big deal about us busting a few of his vases, huh, Alec?" The dogs snarl quickly turned into a whimper as three more rocks made contact with his head.

"Indeed, Epiktetos." Alec agreed as another rock was thrown. The animal took a few shaky steps backwards and I realized that we now had the dog cornered. I felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over me as I looked into its glazed eyes.

"Patroclus, throw the rock." Alec's stiff voice directed and I felt my stomach churn.

"Are you afraid?" Epiktetos asked.

"I thought you said you have been training with your great cousin."

"I have." My voice came out clipped as I gripped the stone tighter. Alec always knew how to push my buttons.

"Then what's the problem? Afraid of the blood?" Blood did make me a bit queasy, but the feeling in my chest was keeping me from throwing the stone.

"It's simple just aim and-" A soft howl escaped the old dog as it hit the ground panting. Epiktetos was the biggest eleven year old I had seen, and his laugh matched echoing off the alley walls. I shift nervously, we should not be picking on this animal. "Maybe that's enough." I heard myself mumble lowly.

"Come on, Patroclus. You agreed that we should pay Hesiod back for getting us into trouble. Wasn't your cousin mad when he had to pay for those vases that we broke?"

"Yes, but-"

"You're afraid!" Epiktetos accused, jumping up and down a littLink like he had discovered some great secret.

"So it seems," Alec smirked. "The great warrior Achilles can kill men, but his little baby cousin," Alec's voice went up an octave as hit the word baby, "can't even face one dog." I felt my cheeks turning red with anger and embarrassment.

"Baby cousin!" Epiktetos echoed as he snatched the rock from my hand and dealt another blow to the dog.

Alec's laugh was shrill and for thirteen he was the shortest amongst us. I hated the way his words baited me. He was the one who talked me into shooting rocks at Hesiod's vases in the first place. I always had something to prove when he was around.

"Epiktetos would make for a better warrior in training than you," he nodded to our friend. "And his only eleven," he smirked again, adding the finally jab.

Those words cut my pride and I felt my anger build as I glared at Alec. He knew I had my doubts about living up to any family name that Achilles had set.

He outright laughed now, knowing he had touched a chord. He reached down for another stone, but I jerked it from his hand and turned back towards the dog.

Now on the ground the dog let out a low whimper. Epiktetos had kicked it a couple of times.

I pulled my arm back to throw the stone when I heard his voice.

"What's going on here, boys?" I licked my lips as I slowly turned to face him, arm still in the air.

My cousin. Achilles, the great warrior. Leader of the fierce Myrmidons. He looked as heroic as ever in that moment even without his armor. My cheeks burned with emotions realizing how pathetic this must look to him. He surveyed the setting with a quickness that often helps him in battle, before his eyes landed on me and my raised hand still clutching the rock.

His eyes darkened and I felt like someone had hit me with a stone.

I instantly dropped my head along with the stone to the ground.

"Do you enjoy picking on something that cannot defend itself?" His voice was deathly low and I winced.

Nobody dared answered. I could feel his eyes burning into my head, but I couldn't meet his gaze again. I knew it still held that anger and disappointment from moments before.

I heard the sound of Achilles' sword being removed from his belt. I briefly panicked thinking that he was about to cut us all to shreds right there and irrationally wondered how Achilles would explain this to Alec's and Epiktetos's fathers.

"Leave." I could almost hear the sigh of relief as Alec and Epiktetos went running towards the street.

I knew better to move, I had lived with my cousin long enough to know he wasn't referring to me. "Patrolcus," his voice was stern. I saw his feet come into my vision As he stepped in front of me. Achilles shoved the hilt of his sword into my hand, and it startled me so much that I nearly dropped it.

"Finish him."

I blanched and finally looked up. The dog whimpered in the background as if he knew what Achilles had commanded. This had a to be a joke.

It was just a few week ago that he had seen me turn pale when he shot that deer. And then again, when my stomach turned as he started preparing it for dinner.

"I...I..can't...," I heard myself mumbled.

Achilles firm hand landed on my shoulder turning me to face the dog. "You must," he said squeezing, "he is in pain, Patrolcus."

I starred at the dog lying on the ground withering in pain. I felt the shame creep up my neck as I realized the seriousness of the dog's condition. My mouth went dry and my stomach twisted into a knot. "He's going to die." I breathed out so lowly that I wasn't even sure that Achilles heard me.

"Yes," he said bluntly, "but you can make it easier."

I blinked at his answer. I had caused this pain. Now, Achilles wanted me to take it away.

"I don't think..."I mumbled lowly, squeezing my eyes shut not wanting to face my actions.

"You started this, son," His words slapped me just as hard as a punch. He rarely called me son. We both knew that our roles were technically that of father and son, but this was him firmly taking that authoritative position. "Now be a man and finish it."

I felt numb taking a step towards the dog. Achilles's sword was heavy in my sweaty hands. It was already much heavier than the practice one I usually swung when sparing with him, but with the forthcoming action it felt like it weighted tons.

"Aim for the neck. That sword is sharp enough to slice it in one swing. Fast and quick will cause the least amount of pain." I nodded staring at the dog as I raised the sword. His eyes were a mixture of fear and pain, and it was almost as if he knew I held the ability to stop it all.

I wanted to close my eyes again, but knew that I couldn't get an accurate swing that way. And I didn't want to cause the dog anymore pain. So I did what Achilles had said and swung for the neck with my eyes open.

The sword pierced the flesh as the dog let out a low howl. The dog eyes were still open, but the held no more pain. It was over - with one swing I had taken a life.

I barely had time to drop the sword and turn away before I was sick. Dust rushed up to meet my nose as my stomach turned violently. I was now on my knees and the contents of my lunch were on the ground.

I wiped my mouth with my sleeve as I stood keeping my back to the dog. I still felt woozy when I lifted my eyes to Achilles. Slight sympathy was laced across his features, but he didn't offer yay comfort. It was for the best because once I saw his sword stained with blood, I was bent over again.

This time when I stood up his back was to me, and he was walking towards the open street. "Let's go," he called over his shoulder, and I obediently followed him out of the alley. He stopped briefly to clean the sword in the grass before putting it back in his belt.

Then we walked in silence. My head was spinning and my stomach still felt jumpy, but I somehow managed to keep up with Achilles's long stride.

We past a street cleaner and Achilles offered him some extra money to take care of the dog's body. The old man's eyes lit and I just imagined him cooking the dog over an open fire for dinner.

I heaved into grass this time.

I couldn't help but remember Achilles laughing at my discomfort a few weeks ago, when I saw him gutting a dear. I was revolted by the deer's carcass and had to turn away before I became sick.

"Eat." He had commanded once the meat was cooked.

I shook my head in disgust. "I can't."

I had deer meat before. In fact, I enjoyed it on the rare occasion that it was available. This time was different because I had seen the full process of hunting, cleaning, and preparing the deer. The thought of eating something that had been alive and looking at me hours before turned my stomach.

He laughed knowing the reason behind my answer, "Okay, tenderfoot, your choice."

I kicked dirt at my cousin as a "punishment" for using my hated nickname. Achilles had took to calling me that when I was little, and it often reappeared now especially when he was teasing me. "Don't make me get up from here, Little Cousin," he teased as he took another bite of meat.

"You couldn't catch me," I taunted back kicking some more dirt his way. "Your big head would slow you down."

"Wanna bet?" he asked as he lunged toward me. I squeaked and jumped backwards. Achilles quickly sprang to his feet with grace only true fighters own. "And when I catch you, Tenderfoot, I am going to roll this deer meat in dirt and stuff it down your throat."

I couldn't help but laugh as I spun on my hills and ran.

I finally tuned back around to Achilles wishing that this was all some sorta game.

But it wasn't.

I was disgusted with myself. And mad at my friends.

He took a step towards me and I involuntary flinched. "Here," he grunted lowly handing me a small bottle of liquid. "This will help your stomach." I took a sip and grimaced as it burned. My head swirled a little and I had to blink a couple of times to focus.

I turned it up to take another sip when Achilles reached for it. "One is enough."

"Oh," I said blankly watching him drop it back into his pocket. I always imagined my first taste of alcohol as a joyous event: a birthday or celebrating the day I was old enough to join the Myrmidons. Not like this.

* * *

I was happy to finally reach home. My stomach had settled making the walk more bearable in that aspect. Achilles had not said another word to me since he had handed me the alcohol however, which had made the walk long.

I wasn't sure how long this silent treatment was going to last, but I couldn't take it much longer. Surprisingly, it was broken a moment later when I bumped into him outside our home. He had abruptly stopped in the entrance and I was so deep in my own thoughts that I ran right into him.

"Sorry," I managed to mumble, dropping my eyes as he turned around.

"Have I taught you nothing?" he fumed, ignoring my question.

I suddenly wished for the silent Achilles. His voice was cold and he stalked back and forth in our yard. It made me nervous, like I was watching a cage cat that was fixing to strike.

"Patroclus." He was standing in front of me now. "Speak, Cousin."

"You've taught me -,"

"Not enough," his words growled from deep in his throat, cutting me off.

"Not enough , if you think it is okay to hurt something innocent."

My eyes blurred at his words, but he held a hand out. "No, you don't get to cry."

I bit my lip so I could focus on the pain instead of the tears. He was right.

I was responsible for this. My face colored with embarrassment.

"I taught you to use your strength, so you would never feel like you had to listen to nobody else."

I managed to nod.

"So you...," he paused pointing his finger at my chest, "could stand up to anyone that was trying to hurt you."

His anger seethed from him. "Maybe I should take you to the camp and match you against one of my warriors." I wouldn't stand a chance - not yet - not with my strength and level.

I paled slightly as he grabbed my arm and started pulling me in that direction. My heart was beating so loudly that I almost screamed, when he whirled around back in my face. "Wouldn't that be fair?"

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out as I pull my feet in the ground trying to get out of his grip.

"What?" He asked gancing down at my arm in his grip, quickly realsing it.

I stumbled backwards with shock and a little surprised that he had let me out of his hold.

"Sorry." I mumbled rubbing my arm, but keeping my gaze firmly on the ground.

"Are you?" he asked, and chill swept up my spine.

"For everything." I clarified.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you cousin." His voice was still cool, but wasn't as fierce.

"I am truly sorry, Achilles." I answered meaning every word. I managed to meet his eyes for a brief moment.

"Do you care to explain yourself?" It was almost unnerving how much he had calmed down.

My ears colored. "Well Alec and Epiktetos wanted to get back at Hesiod."

I shifted my weight back and forth from one foot to another feeling nervous under his watch.

"I didn't realize how bad it had gotten till you made me...," I trailed off not wanting to remember my first kill.

His face was still red and I thought he was about to yell at me, but insted he sighed. "I know, Patroclus."

That seemed to have broke me and I quicklly rushed out the rest of the story. "I wasn't even going to do it, but then Alec was calling me coward and a baby. And then you came before I even threw one stone."

His eyes clouded and he rubbed the back of his neck with one arm. "So this," he paused, breathing deepily, "wasn't even your idea?"

Misserably my head confirmed his question. "So Alec and Epiktetos talked you into killing an innocent animal out of spite," deep breath again, "and bravado?"

"Did you even care that the dog had never bit anyone? Or that Hesiod would lose one of his only friends? Or did you just care what your friends thought?" His voice raised but his eyes weren't as angry as earlier.

My head dropped to my chest in defeat. "I just wanted to prove...I just didn't think..I always have to prove...," I couldn't find the rights words to express everything that had happeed. "I am so sorry," I repeated.

"I know, Patroclus, but that doesn't make what I have to do any easier."

I paled and felt my stomach twist again. What did he mean? I didn't have much time to think about the possibilties though. Achilles grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me towards the corner of the house.

Instinctively I drug my feet into the ground, causing him to tighten his grip on my shoulder. "Don't fight me," his voice was close to my ear and I fliched, but stopped fighting. I deserved whatever he had decided was a fit punishment.

I was confused when he stopped in front of the barrel that stores our extra water supply. It was full of water from the nearby river and the recent rain. It stood as tall as my chest and I could see my watery reflection peering fearfully back at me.

Achilles had let go of my shoulder and now had snaked an arm around my neck. My eyes widened in the reflections and my body lunged forward over the water, till my nose was just barely touching the top of the water.

Thoughts became jumbled, and my arms flailed outward trying to resist the water. Achilles was quick though, his free hand caught mine and pinned them to my back. "I told you," his voice was controlled, "don't fight me."

Afraid that movement would cause my head to dunk under water, I grunted my complaince and stilled my movement.

I felt helpless to Achilles whims. I moved my arms trying to loosen them from his grasp, but he tigthened his hold.

"I should throw your head under this water," his voice was distant and I recognized it as his general voice. The voice that strikes fear into his warriors's hearts.

"Please," I whispered, as I thought of the last person to double cross Achilles. They didn't end up so well.

Swallowing my pride, I begged for his mercy. "Please Cousin. This isn't fair. I cannot fight back."

"Fair?" He questioned.

Tears spring to my eyes as I made the correlation. It wasn't fair what we had done to the dog. Is this how it felt to be cornered at the hands of someone else. Vulnerable and helpless.

"Patroclus, you are your own man and make your own decesions."

"Do it." I breathed feeling the total guilt from today in his words. "What I did was dishonorable." I derserved this.

Achilles pulled me back and released me. I turned towards him wiping frantically at the tears that were starting to pool.

"What did you say?"

"There is no honor in what I did today," I managed.

"Why is that?" He questioned, ignoring the tears that pooled.

"That dog was innocent and couldn't fight back."

He waited.

"And, instead of helping the weak, I took advantge of my strength."

He nodded. "We fight to be remembered, Patroclus. People remember the great fights – warrior against warrior. Only a coward fights someone that cannot defend themselves."

"I understand your lesson, Cousin."

Achilles took a step towards me. "No, not the barrel." I whispered, afraid that he might actually dunk me under this time.

His face momentarily reflected pain, but he continued towards me. I closed my eyes when he grabbed my arm. "Shh, tenderfoot," he mumbled pulling me into his arms and that was all it took for me to sob loudly into his shirt.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed again.

"Shhh, Shh, I know." He wrapped his arms a little tighter around me.

"I'm so sorry...,"

" I'm not going to put you in that barrel." He mumbled gently rubbing my head with his knuckles. "Never was..."

"You had mercy...,"

He chuckled lightly, "You could say that...," his voice faded out. He pulled back to stare at me, "Some lessons have to be learned the hard way."

"I let them... that dog." I mumbled as another sob wrecked my body.

"You are your own person, cousin." He said knowingly as he peered at me still in his arms.

His eyes were no longer angry and his voice was much softer.

"You make your own decesions. Always."

Reaching up to wipe my tear eyes I stared at my cousin.

"The same blood runs through your veins as mine. We are bulit to be warriors. You either fight for honor or take advantage of the weak. But you will always be stronger and faster and fiercer."

I could only nodded as the emotion thicken my throat again. I knew Achilles lived by honor and he was trying to teach me to do the same.

"You are a leader, Patroclus. You don't have to follow."

He hugged me once more before stepping away. "It may be a hard choice, but you can make it."

And I knew he was right.

**Finished.**

**A/N:**

Patch learning abut honor. Achilles is a bit harsh in this, but I wanted him to drive home the "lessons" he was trying to teach.

Reviews (postive and negative) are always welcomed and appreciated - what did ya think?


	2. Mutiny

**A/N:**

Setting : Patroclus is around five or six in this chapter and he hasn't been living with Achilles very long.

**Disclaimer**: ...I don't own... As always, NO SLASH.

_Acknowledgements_: Thank you everyone who has supported this story and sent me feedback. I would like to send out a special thank you to my new, FanFiction friend Spiritblaze! She has encouraged me a lot and beta'd this chapter. That being said, I have changed some things since she gave me feedback - all mistakes are mine.

Also, if you haven't already, feel free to reread chapter one because I reworked it not long ago.

Enjoy :)

* * *

My heart raced as I prepared for the fight. I quickly strapped the metal shin guards together, taking a moment to flex my feet - a perfect fit. Standing, I bounced a few times and let the energy run through my body

I felt good. Amazing.

Unstoppable.

Next, I grabbed the sword closest to me and twirled the hilt a few times in my hand. Finally, with a firm grasp, I lunged forward with a fierce strike. Backing up and pacing my feet I lunged forward again, this time focusing on my steps. Content with my choice of sword, I slid it into my belt.

I scanned over my choices for protection quickly, not wanting to waste time. My eyes landed on the silver shield proudly displaying the Myrmidons's symbol. My Myrmidons. I slung the shield to my back stumbling under its heavy weight.

"This will only slow me down!" I yelled loudly as I dropped the heavy shield back to the floor.

"Myrmidons, assemble for battle!" I announced as I checked my gear one more time, before pulling out my sword.

"Yes, my Lord." The voice rang out through the room, causing me to freeze. I turned slowly to face my cousin.

"Achilles?" My eyes scanned the empty room and finally landed on my cousin. He was leaning causally against the door with his arms crossed.

""Patroclus-" he replied with an amused look across his face.

"I can explain!" I blurted before I got in trouble for being in his room. I could only imagine what Achilles thought of this whole situation - me going through his stuff, trying on his armor, wooden sword in my hand, his battle shield at my feet, and talking to his (my imaginary) men.

He put up his hand to silence me, though. "Those pieces you have tied to your legs...they go on your arms." I looked down at the armor that I was once proud of and felt my ears turn red.

"However, that was very bright way to use them, Cousin." I smiled at his compliment.

He crossed the room, picking up the shield that was too heavy for me to carry with one hand. I was about to asking how he got so strong, when he spoke.

"M'Lord," he announced, and in a grand sweeping motion knelt at my side. "It would be my great honor to be your shied carrier."

"Shield carrier?" I questioned confused.

"If you will have your humble servant," Achilles replied in an odd voice. I must have looked at him like he had grown two heads because he winked at me.

I smiled back. "What's a shield carrier?"

"I will carry the shield with you to battle. And you can fight more freely this way, but still have a solid force of protection."

"You will protect me?" I questioned as I puffed out my chest like I had seen him doing so many times when talking to his men.

"Always," he replied in his normal voice, looking me straight in the face. I could read the seriousness there and thought our game was over.

"If-" he continued, picking up the shield and holding it over my head as he stood, "My Lord will have me?"

"Yes, good man, we are fighting the local wolf pack because they keep killing all the bunnies!"

"Good man? Bunnies?" he questioned in his normal voice, but I was too caught up in playing the role to care.

"Don't question your leader!"

"Of all...Bunnies," he grunted under his breath and laid the shield aside.

I nodded and faced him, trying to keep my face serious. "This is a serious problem," I informed him.

He smirked at me before dropping to his knees again with both hands clasped in front of him. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" he begged in a dramatic voice. I laughed out right now because I had never seen Achilles act so dramatic nor plead for anything.

I shook my head.

"Mutiny!" he yelled as he scooped me up in his arms and started tickling me. Surprised, I squealed and started kicking. His deep laugh boomed across the room as he wrestled me to the bed.

"No! I am Achilles, you can't make me leave. I'll feed you to the lions."

What?" He paused and looked down at me.

"Well not the lions...that was just a joke..." I muttered out wondering if I had hurt his feelings.

"Patroclus, you can feed me to the lions in minute. Well...if you can catch me." He paused again and I wondered what I had said to make him stop acting.

"You're pretending to be me?"

"Of course," I answered blankly. I thought that was obvious.

He gave me an odd look as he stood up from where he had been sitting on the bed. "I thought-" his voice trailed off and I must have looked at him weirdly because he finally smiled.

"It's good to see you being a kid again, Cousin." He recovered, and I didn't have to be an adult to understand what he meant - I had been really sad ever since my parents were killed and I was sent here to live with Achilles.

I nodded and he poked me in the ribs, making me giggle again. "Alright, bedtime," he announced.

"Aww, Achilles!" I frowned. "Next time I'll be King Agamemnon."

He laughed his rich laugh before shaking his head at me. "Pushing your luck, hmm?"

I grinned slowly as a sneaky thought crossed my mind. ""I guess I am tired." I said and shrugged, hoping he wasn't on to my plan.

Now it was his turn to look at me weird. "Really?" he asked dryly and I was sure he had figured out my plan.

I offered him a smile and he nodded slowly, turning around. I waited for the exact moment and sprang.

"MUTINY!" I echoed the same words he had said earlier as I landed on his back.

"Umph," he grunted his surprise and I giggled madly.

"You better hold on, Little Cousin!" He called after he recovered and then he began spinning in fast circles.

"TO THE LIONS!" I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying not to fall as he twirled faster.

"Never!" My head was becoming dizzy and I was laughing so hard that I thought I might lose my grip.

"You learn quick, little cousin," he chuckled, coming to a quick stop. One hand reached up to loosen my grip on his neck while the other grabbed my foot. I squealed as he swung me from his back in one quick motion. I was now hanging by one arm and one leg in front of him. "To the lions still?" he questioned.

I giggled and tried to swing my free arm and foot at him. His laugh joined mine, and he dodged my swings before tossing me-arms flailing-on to the bed.

"Two rebels in one day," he clicked his tongue as he shook his head back and forth.

"Speaking of which, I need to walk down to the village to handle some Myrmidon business." My smile faded - not only would I have to go to bed but I would be in this home alone.

"Is someone in trouble?"

He sighed, rubbing a hand down his neck and suddenly appearing very serious. "Something like that."

I nodded, knowing that it was time for me to leave.

"Would you like to join me?"

What?" I gasped, and rolled off the bed, too excited to sit calmly.

"Unless, you are too tired..."

"No. No. I am not. I am ready!" I bounced up and down again and felt the shin/arm guards bounce with me. I forgot I was wearing those.

I bent to slide them off my foot when Achilles stopped me. "Leave them. They fit you."

My smile grew even wider as I nodded and lightly jogged to where Achilles was at the door and gave him a hug. "We're partners in crime, huh, cousin?"

"Yes, Patroclus, I do believe you are stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

**A/N:** So...what did you think? Since Achilles was so strict in the first chapter I wanted him to be more relaxed in this one. Did I come through or go over the top?

He is a bit of a pushover in this - I mean he didn't even scold Patch for messing around in his things. But in my mind, Patch is still getting use to living with Achilles; so Ach was just happy to have him acting like a kid again. Plus, I feel like Achilles would have a soft spot for Patch.

Also, I didn't think that Ach's shin armor would fit on Patch's legs, but thought that maybe Achielles's forearm armor might.

Anyway -

Please review with your thoughts, I would love to know what y'all think.

I have a couple other ideas in the works - so there is more to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: ...I don't own. NO SLASH.

**A/N: **This chapter is dedicated to Spiritblaze. Thanks for all your help :)

I awoke with a start from another nightmare – the second one tonight. This time, I had seen my both my parents and Achilles on a beach covered in blood, but no matter how hard I tried to reach them, I could never help them. The water would come rushing, and no matter how loud I would yell for them to swim, the ocean would sweep them away.

I laid still, blinking back tears. I had not had nightmares like these since I was young and I hated that they were back. Hated even more that Achilles was now present in them.

I finally rose feeling sick to my stomach. I stumbled tiredly towards the water basin in my room and splashed the cool water on my face, hoping to chase away my exhaustion.

Four months. It had been four whole months since the Myrmidons had set sail. Four months without sparring lessons, four months without direct orders, four months without being teased - or worse - lectured, and four months without my cousin

I worried the first two months he was gone, but that was normal. However, in the the months that followed, that the worry turned to fear, and the fear became nightmares. Nightmares that I thought I had long left behind when I was a child. Night after night of nightmares, cold sweats, fear gripping my throat, and images of my cousin dead.

And I'm there, too, of course, but never able to help. And they always ended the same way: with Achilles dead and me alone.

Again. But this time permanently.

That is the ridiculous part because when Achilles leaves, I stay with Thetis. I am always welcomed with her and she has always treated me kindly, so really, I wouldn't be alone if Achilles died, but I do not think I could stand to lose the last of my family – not after my parents. That is why Achilles and me have to stick together, at least that is what he told me before he left. Before he promised the trip would not take long. Before he didn't return after two months. Or three. Or even now he has not returned in the fourth month.

I ran a hand through my hair and pushed it out of my face. It has grown a lot over these past few months. Thetis says that Achilles and I resemble each other even more, now that my hair is long. I always shrug, but inwardly beam with pride. I grew it out for that reason.

I sighed as I realized that the light slipping through my door is a lot brighter than early morning. I knew it was late and the growl in my stomach announced that I had slept through breakfast. These dreams were really missing up my sleep schedule. Dressing quickly, I wondered why Thetis had yet to wake me. Achilles would occasionally let me sleep late, telling his mother that growing warriors needed rest. I secretly knew it was because he enjoyed sleeping late, too. But, Thetis believed in rising with the sun.

My tired eyes braced themselves for the bright sun awaiting me outside. I groaned as I pushed my body into the bright light.

"They're back." My heart jumped to my throat as my eyes blinked multiple times to confirm what I saw. My cousin's ship was beached on the shore.

The Myrmidons had finally returned.

The sick feeling that had been nagging me since I had awoke heightened, but it was now mixed with anticipation. I pushed the thoughts away and sprinted towards the beach, needing to see him.

I pulled up short once I reached the edge of the sand, surveying the surroundings. The beach was busy with all the men, some greeted their families and others unpacked from the long journey. They all were haggled and tired from the journey, but happy to be back on dry land.

One thing was missing though: Achilles, and one thing was ever present: my fears

My heart sank as I imagined my cousin dying in battle on some foreign land, never to see home again. I scrambled forward, trying to prove my dreams wrong as I searched for Achilles.

I had only made it a few feet towards the ship when a hand landed on my shoulder, making me squeak. Normally, I would have been extremely embarrassed, but I was too frantic and tired to care. I spun towards the hand, already knowing it was too heavy to be Achilles.

"Patroclus, lad!" I hardly acknowledged Eudorous's greeting as I searched the older man's face for any sign of unspeakable news.

His smile faded as he studied my face soundlessly in return before speaking. "He's okay, Patroclus," Eudorous responded to the the unasked question.

Tears instantly sprang to my eyes, which I wiped away frantically, trying to hide my true feelings. The man's face did not show judgement, though; he just squeezed my shoulder and jerked his head over towards the cliffs

Squeezing past a family and some men carrying crates, I finally made my way to the bottom of the cliffs. Relief washed over me when I finally saw him standing less than 50 yards away embracing his mother.

The King of the Myrmidons smiled and wiped the tears from Thetis's face, before hugging her once more.

And I froze. The ease in my chest felt like it was from Heaven. He was okay. He was not dead. And as much as I wanted to sprint forward and throw myself into his arms in greeting, I couldn't move.

I had been frantic when Achilles didn't return when he was suppose to, but now seeing Thetis's own fear confirmed my own worry.

A young child bumped into me without pause as he sprinted towards the beach. My eyes followed him as he sprang to his father's arms, circling the man in a hug. The ocean wind cared the laughter to my ears, and I turned away in bitterness.

All the emotions from the past few months plus these fresh ones coiled together. If he would have only returned like normal, I could have greeted hm like that young child - full of joy that he had returned. Instead my fears of loss and abandonment pounded at my tired mind.

Achilles was staring at me this time when I looked up. My heart momentarily and annoyingly betrayed the rest of my emotions, as it reminded me how much I had missed my cousin. I stared back at him blankly and willed my legs forward, but my other emotions quickly blocked me. Achilles was the cause of all my pain. He opened his arms widely and a slow smile crept up his lips. But instead of running to my cousin's arm, I turned to leave.

"Cousin?" Achilles' confused voice called out, and I stopped dead in my tracks. I had only made it a few steps. I cursed his long legs and quick pace.

"Patroclus?" Thetis echoed Achilles as she also closed the remaining distance between us.

It took all my will power to turn around and face my family. My only family, a nagging voice reminded me.

Thetis was staring at me strangely, but it was Achilles expression that pierced my heart. His eyes still held some confusion, but his smile was bright.

"I've missed you a great deal, Cousin," he whispered, as he opened his arms to pull me into what could only be a hug.

I hadn't realized that I had shoved him until he stumbled backwards a few steps and the smile faded.

"Patroclus!" Thetis gaped, shocked by my actions. I looked at my hands almost in shock before instinctively backing away from the agitated looking warrior. Had I really just hit Achilles?

"My Lord?" A passing Myrmidon questioned Achilles as he grabbed my shoulder, but Achilles held up his hand and the loyal solider instantly dropped his hold.

"Patroclus?" Achilles turned the same hand to me, but in a welcoming gesture. He raised his eyebrows, curious at my irrational actions and how I had pushed him away in rude greeting. That almost broke my resolve.

Yet, my anger and now pride stood in the way.

"You are a liar!" I bit out the first words that I have said to my cousin in four months. Four months away and I greet him so harshly.

Achilles dropped his hand and stared at me coldly. As his body tensed, I knew that he was trying to control his anger. Nobody called him a liar and got to freely walk away, at least not in Phthia. Achilles demanded respect.

I clenched my fist together mimicking my cousin's frustration as I stared him in the face.

I small smile pulled at his lips which annoyed me more than words.

"Easy, lad!" Eudorus's hand landed on my shoulder this time, restraining me from shoving Achilles again. I turned towards him, shocked that he was standing so close. I was even more shocked to realize that a small crowd had started to form and was watching this reunion.

My eyes turned back to Eudorous when he squeezed my shoulder. His face look weathered from the journey, but his eyes begged me to pick another battle. I jerked my shoulder from his grip in answer.

Thetis gasped again. "Show some respect, Patroclus!"

My ears burned slightly at her rebuke, but I didn't have long to process it because Achilles again caught my attention. He had turned his head slightly and pulled his eyebrows together, studying me as if I were a complex problem or a map he had to chart. Seeing me staring back at him, he instantly straightened and raised his eyebrows in that all too familiar, questioning way that I had seen since I was a child.

"You were suppose to be back in a month tops." I cursed myself for so easily giving into his demands and answering.

Achilles blinked in confusion. "Battles take time. Sailing takes time. You know this, Cousin."

I did know this. "You lied!" I blurted out again not wanting my argument to weaken, especially with my anger still boiling.

Soft murmurs run among the crowd as I pushed forward again. Eudurous grabs my arm to restrain me.

"Cousin, I never said-," Achilles's voice was stiff, but he didn't yell. He was not retaliating to my anger, and that only served only to fuel mine.

"Your mother was worried!" I cut him off and turned my gaze to Thetis, needing the only other person that could possibly understand to speak. "Ask her, Achilles!" Eudurous fingers dug into my arm at my lack of respect.

"You are pushing your luck, lad. We're all tired," he whispered into my ear, and I tried to jerk away again, but his grip held.

Thetis pulled her lips into a thin line, but she did not back down from my challenge – she was the mother of Achilles, after all. "Yes," she spoke slowly, her eyes never leaving me, "but, I welcome him home gladly."

Achilles momentarily froze and turned towards his mother. They addressed each other in whispered voices. My anger was momentarily replaced by nerves when Thetis nodded a couple of times and then jerked her head towards me.

I suddenly felt extremely tired as Achilles turned from his mother and took a slow step towards me. "Are you having nightmares again?" he leaned in and whispered softly so the crowd couldn't hear. I looked past him at Thetis, my betrayer. She had repaid my honesty with honesty of her own.

She raised her eyes knowingly, and I gritted my teeth before turning my gaze back to my cousin, where he waited with controlled patience. It almost shocked me to see him so close and so...alive. We should have been celebrating his return, but instead, I stood here, bitter and angry because of his absence.

"Let us give them a few moments alone," Thetis called gracefully. "Achilles will greet everyone shortly," she added, showing her authority as she turned the remaining people away.

"I'll bet Achilles beats him to a pulp," the whispers drifted to my my ears as the group dispersed.

My eyes didn't leave my cousin, though, and the secret he now knew about me was confirmed in his eyes.

My nightmares. He raised his eyebrows again. If he can lie, I can lie.

"I'm fine," I grunted out finally.

Achilles snorted disbelievingly.

I hadn't realized that Eudorus wasn't holding my arm anymore until my halfhearted swing hit Achilles in the chest. He didn't dodge the swing, only stared at me sadly as it connected.

"What's wrong with you, Patroclus?" I barely heard him ask as I threw my next punch. This one had more strength, but Achilles's intercepted it by catching my wrist.

"YOU ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!" I grunted out, frustrated as I threw a left handed punch. It connected with his chin, but I barely had time to feel accomplished. He jerked my right wrist towards him, causing my body to stumble forward.

"What do you mean?" I was so close I could see the beads of sweat that were starting to form on his head.

I tried to push him again with my free hand but he caught my left hand, too, this time. I was stuck staring up into his face. The bitter feeling still remained, the fear still twirled, the images of him dead and me alone were still there from my dream earlier, but now his own confusion and hurt were staring back at me. And my own heart nearly crushed when I saw the unshed tears in his eyes.

"I never...," he grunted, and guilt mixed in with all my other emotions as I saw his tears.

His arms let go of my wrist, but I was still frozen in shock.

The loud sob caught me by surprise as it escaped _MY _throat. I frantically brushed the tears away.

"Can't we just talk?" he asked me gently, as he unashamedly brushed his own tears away.

He reached for me again, and that was when I finally gave into his embrace. My own resolve was faltered and my emotions drained. "I can't..," I realized that I was fully sobbing now.

He tightened his hold as I tried push away. "I'm here, Cousin." And I finally gave up, collapsing into his arms as I buried my face into his shoulder.

The sobs wracked my body. They had been stored up for over four months and it was as if someone had uncorked them. All the fear and pain drained out of me, as did as did my doubts. "I thought you were dead," I managed to mumble into his neck.

He placed a kiss on the top of my head, before pulling back to look me in the face. "Do you doubt my skills so much, Cousin?"

"I cannot," my voice cracked, "lose you, too." He pulled me close again, and I clutched at his shirt as if he was the Achilles in my dreams, about to drift away from me forever.

His voice was in my ear when he spoke. "Patroclus, I am not going anywhere." He gently unclenched my hands from his shirt and somehow managed to lead me over to some rocks.

I nodded more bravely than I felt, as I collapsed tiredly onto the rock.

I kicked the dirt, feeling betrayed by all my emotions. I was too tired and too ashamed to face my beloved cousin after my harsh words and actions, followed by my complete breakdown

"M'Lord," I felt my throat tighten again.

Achilles elbowed my lightly in the ribs. "No need for that."

"M'Lord," I continued anyway, wanting to make up for my lack of respect earlier.

I licked my lips nervously. "I'm sorry that I... Picked a fight. Hit you. Disrespected you. Lied about you. Lied to you." My mind slowly ticked through the list of all my actions of the day. I sighed heavily as I said them to myself, not even sure where to begin.

"Cousin," Achilles voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I peaked up at him, but instantly dropped my head lower as I saw the small bruise forming on his chin.

"Patroclus." He tried again.

"M'Lord."

He sighed this time but didn't respond. I knew that he was waiting for me to fully acknowledge him, so I slowly lifted my head.

He smiled. "Please, I thought after being away, you would be happy to have your cousin back, not a Lord."

My face flushed at his words, but I nodded. "I-I don't deserve to call you "cousin." I welcomed you as an enemy."

He clicked his tongue. "Patroclus, we are cousins. No matter what you do or how mad I get, that bond can never be broken. We are family."

My mind tiredly tried to process his words. I managed to nod, and he clapped me on the shoulder. "Besides, you've welcomed me now."

"You're not going to beat me to a pulp then, Cousin?" I felt a grin pull at my lips as I addressed him as my beloved cousin.

"You heard that, too?"

I nodded.

"Maybe I should." He rubbed his chin with his hand over the spot where I had punched him. "And to think, you're the one who beat me to a pulp."

My ears reddened and I dropped my head again.

"I can't lose you," I repeated as if it made up for my punching. "I don't know how to fight, not really, I can't yet hunt, and I still have much to learn about honor.

"You know more than you think, Cousin."

"You mean for someone who tried to fight his returning cousin after he's been away for months? And then have to clutch to him like a baby...," I mumbled, feeling pathetic.

He chuckled softly and rubbed the back of my head. "I mean for a thirteen year old boy."

Silence.

"Look at me, Patroclus."

I forced my head up and stared him in the eyes. Nothing could prepare me for his next words. "I missed you, too. And I'm proud of the way you've handled yourself over these past few months. It couldn't have been easy." I thought I had drained all of my tears, but at those words, I pitched forward into another set of sobs.

After a moment, he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Cousin?"

I'm sorry," I hiccuped and forced my eyes to his face once more, "for treating you the way I did."

His eyes bore into me, and I finally had to look away. He gently grabbed my chin and forced me to face him again. "Patroclus, I didn't say that to make you feel guilty. I wouldn't worry you - nor my mother - for all the gold in Greece."

"Still, M'Lord..." I paused. "My Cousin, I'm incredibly sorry."

He nodded. "All is forgiven."

I blinked back the pooling tears.

"Oh, tenderfoot," he smiled at me gently, before moving his hand to the back of my head and pulling me into another tight embrace.

"Besides, you should've seen how I acted when I was your age."

My watery eyes turned towards him, curious. "You were a terror?"

He clucked, clearly not wanting to discuss himself anymore.

"Nightmares?" he then said, countering my question. My smile faded, and I nodded my head.

"Care to share?" he asked gently, and the genuine concern twisted my heart.

"My parents die. You die. I'm alone," I blurted out miserably, not liking the images that came to mind with those words. I shuddered and the fatigue of the day came rushing back.

"Patroclus," he said, wrapping his arm tightly around my shoulders, "I'm sorry, Cousin. You are so young and have been through so much." I leaned against him, feeling tired.

"Later," he confirmed, knowing that I would talk about the dreams more when I was ready.

I nodded slowly, feeling drained. The warm sand was looking more and more comfortable.

As if reading my mind, he chuckled lightly. "I'm tired, too. Come, I must greet the others. And you need to rest."

"I'm not tired," I mumbled, not wanting to leave his side now that I was happy to see him, and especially not wanting to face my nightmares.

He pulled his eyebrows together questioningly.

I sighed. "Fine."

"Go on, now. Get some rest. I'll check on you shortly."

I nodded, deciding that maybe some sleep would be for the best.

"Besides, it is going to take a lot of beauty rest," he reached over and pulled on a strand of hair, "to grow out those golden locks to look like mine."

Rolling my eyes, I smacked his hand away. He hooted with laughter and grabbed me around the neck, rubbing his fist into my head. I couldn't help but laugh, as I wiggled out of his grip.

"It suits you," he grinned, and I felt my heart grow with pride at his compliment.

"Rest," he jerked his head towards our home, as he turned to leave.

"Cousin?"

He turned slowly back towards me and I was so glad to see him well and back.

"Umph," he grunted as I flung myself willing into his arms.

"Welcome home, Cousin," I muttered into his chest.

He smiled and said, "Thank you."

**a/n: Thanks for reading and feed back is most appreciated. :)**


	4. The Race

I thought everybody knew I was Achilles cousin by now. The old grumpy Trojan that was leading me through an empty field, however, apparently did not.

I absently rubbed my head where the old man had knocked me with his stick. The stick that he still carried in his hands as a threat. That was the only reason that the group of us young greeks were still following him - that and the fact that he threatened to get higher forces involved.

"I'm so sick of you all taking advantage of my land." He growled, clutching the stick tighter with every step. He was using it as a walking stick, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he would spun and knocked one of us again to emphases his point.

We all had a couple bruises from his stick. But most of us, including me, had more cuts, scrapes, and bruises from the chariot racing and the fight that followed when Alec accused me of cheating.

The race had been fun until my horse got spooked, and veered right causing me to flip my small buggy. I, also, now had a nice size gash on my head. The horses who happen to belong to the old man - I guess I could see why he was angry - ran away unharmed. Along with the gash in my head, Alec had hit my buggy causing his to flip.

The small crowd had booed because they had payed to see a race. A race between to known 'enemies'. And now both of the small chariots laid crushed along the ground, and the horses spooked and gone. There will be no more secret races for a while till those are fixed. And I reach up to apply pressure to my bleeding head, I'm secretly glad.

It really didn't matter that I was already in the lead, Alec still accused me of cheating. So he swung and popped me a cheap shot in the eye. My face reddened in angry at him, and myself for allowing him to get so close to me with that shot. How many times in hand to hand combat had Achilles trained me to guard my head.

As soon as I raised my fist up, the crowd that was booing start cheering. A fight was on. Even though we were both already bruised up from the crash, we some how managed to get a couple of rounds in.

Kris, my best friend, and never one to back down from the adventure was soon brawling with Epiktetos.

The old man - I guess I should learn his name, since we use his farm (and horses) all the time - chose that moment to come out. To be old, he was lean and nimble, and has quite the swing with that old stick he carries. His voice hollering so loud and angry that most of the young crowd ran at that moment.

I turned to run, but Alec got another cheap shot in to my ribs. And when I turned to counter, old man had whacked him in the stomach. Alec went tumbling backwards and sat.

I was going to laugh, but before the sound escaped my lips. The man was swinging the stick at me. I managed to sidestep the stomach swing and turned thinking I was free, when he countered with a sharp blow to my head.

I saw stars momentarily. I didn't care that I had now been caught, as long as he didn't hit me with that stick in more, I would do whatever he says. Alec must have felt the same way because he was holding his stomach and not moving.

It took a bit longer for him to get Kris and Epiktetos - who hadn't suffered a chariot crash - to settle down. But they too were finally sitting.

The old man's face was so red that I briefly imagined him falling over dead from stress and anger. He stalked in front of his twirling his stick. "If my horses are hurt...," he let the threat fade.

"They're not." WHACK. Kris, never did know when to hold his tongue.

"Where do you live?" The old man practically spit at venom as us.

We all exchanged a look. It did not take much schooling to understand that this man intended to escort us to our parents.

"I live with Achilles. The home about half a mile from here and on the hill closest to town." Alec announced solemnly. "Let us go there, first."

I blinked confused, then sent a glare towards Alec. I opened my mouth to speak, but the old man sent me a glare. I didn't feel like taking the wrath of the stick again so I held my tongue.

And that is how we ended up walking on the edge of Achilles field towards my home and my guardian.

And when I saw his golden head appear a few hundred yards away, I suddenly wished I would've took my chances with the stick or even the local guards.

Achilles closed the gap quickly once he saw me and Kris in the group.

He slowed only when he took in the sight of all of us bruised from racing, fighting, and now the encounter with the man's wrath. His eyes quickly assessed each of us, and I held my breath when he lingered on me a little longer.

His body was tense, I knew him well enough to know that this meant he was very angry, but was trying to control it.

"Achilles." He greeted that older man introducing himself.

The man stared at Achilles coldly for a moment. Had he been living under a large rock? How could he have not heard of my famous cousin.

"Nestor." The old man finally grunted and squinted at Achilles through his thick eyebrows. I wasn't sure how he could see through him they were so thick.

"In the future you should be aware of your child's whereabouts."

"I plan to."

Achilles cold voice sliced at my heart. I winced as his electric blue eyes landed on my face again. My head instantly dropped to my chest like I was a young child again.

Kris squeezes my shoulder reassuringly.

"And keep these," he paused as if he couldn't think of a word accurate enough to describe us, "young Greeks off of my land." He spit out each word with distaste and finished the word "land" with a finger hooked in Ach's chest.

At that moment, I think I heard everybody in the small circle audibly gasp. Did this man not know that Achilles could take him in a single swing? And had he really just fearlessly poked the greatest warrior and leader in the chest, barking out commands?

I was use to Achilles given the orders, not receiving them.

Achilles on his part didn't correct the old man, but momentarily looked angry, which quickly gave way to his eyes krinklin in laughter.

I smirked too. It was kinda funny this old man was giving the great Greek warrior instructions.

"If it were only that easy," Achilles chuckled lowly, shaking his head.

The man grunted not understand the humor of the moment. And I got the feeling that if Achilles laughed again a stick would come flying at his face.

"Well, out with it," the man questioned Achilles gripping his stick, but eyed Alec carefully, " which one is yours?"

Maybe he was smarter than I credited. He seemed to have seen through Alec's lie - but it wouldn't have matter anyway. I knew Achilles wasn't letting me out of his sight for a while

The man's bossy tone no longer made me grin. Achilles cool eyes returned to me now and all the humor had faded away.

I inwardly sighed - why do I do the stupidest stuff and get myself into these situations?

"That one," he pointed right at me. "With the light hair and the bruised eye," he supplied in case the man was slow. My heart dropped at the chill of his voice.

Without warning the man shoved me forward. I stumbled caught off guard and would have fell, if Achilles hadn't caught my shoulder steadying me.

"Thought it might be," the man said simply, ignoring the fact that he had almost pushed me to ground.

I stiffened when Achilles brought his hand to my face. He grabbed my chin turning my head examining my cuts briefly. He turned chin towards the right, laying his free hand over my largest gash, again examining the severity of the wound. And then just as quickly his hand was gone.

I stared at him confused wondering what he was thinking. I knew I must have looked pretty beat up because his blue eyes flecked some worry at me.

Wordlessly, he jerked his head behind him and I immediately knew what he wanted, and moved out of the way.

" The others?" Nestor prompted clearly annoyed that Achilles prompted.

"That one can come with me too." Kris's face whittened as Achilles gestured to him. "I'll get him where he needs to be."

Nestor didn't shove Kris which I thought wasn't fair.

Kris avoided Achilles eyes, stepping forward and to the other side of my cousin.

"The others," the main chewed the words dryly, as if Achilles was slow.

And I felt the warriors body tense again. "Listen, Trojan, they're not mine."

I felt it was cheap that Alec and Epiktetos got away without being sent home. They were as guilty as us. And Kris must have thought the same because he added, "their father is the dairy farmer not far from here, ol' farmer."

Achilles shot him a look that said to be quiet, but the old man nodded and started grumbling for the other boys to follow.

I thought Alec might have lunged at Kris if Achilles hadn't been standing so close. All four of us stared at each other for a moment.

"When I talk to you're father tomorrow...," Achilles left the statement unfinished and I knew it was a threat. Alec apparently knew too, because he turned and sprinted after the old man.

Epiktetos grunnted and turned too, favoring his leg that Kris had kicked earlier, and followed after the two slowly.

I knew that Achilles's words made certain that the correct - or at least - most of the correct story would be given to Alec's father.

I smiled, happy that for once, justice was gone to be equally served.

Achilles hand landed on my shoulder causing me to sqwack in surprise. "Do you find humor in this, Cousin?" And I guess that crazy old man had carried all of Achilles's humor and patiences away with him.

"No, Cousin." I answered instantly dropping my smile, and turned to face my guardian.

"Fighting?" He questioned, turning to eye my face again. And I knew my beat up face betrayed me even if I wanted to lie. I didn't though - cause Achilles could always see through my lies.

"Yes, Achilles, but let me explain-,"

"Patroclus, you make me an old man before my time"

My face reddened and I knew that I had been a great cause of worry, pain, and trouble for my cousin over the years.

"Fighting." He frowned at Kris now too. "But why?"

We both stood silent not wanting to tell him about the racing.

"Boys," Achilles wasn't yelling, but his voice was low and held warning. He walked over to us comparing us and the difference in the severity of our wounds. And, it was then, that I knew we had been caught.

"RACING?" His voice raised a whole octave higher than normal, his face turning bright red.

I have heard my cousin yell orders my whole life, but only rarely have I heard him take such an angry tone with me.

My face reddened, stepping backwards from my now pacing guardian.

He blew hard through his lips as if he was trying to calm himself done. He ran a hand through his locks, before staring back at me. "DO YOU-," his voice was still angry and loud. He stopped himself, pacing few more times.

Breathing deeply, he faced me again. "Do you know how dangerous that is?"

He wasn't yelling anymore, but his words were laced with anger.

I wanted to point to my head and tell him that I had figured it out, but figure he wouldn't appreciate my smart ass remark. Instead, I decided to be silent.

"I kinda thought it was brave," Kris offered, never knowing when to hold his tongue.

Achilles whirled on him. "Or stupid and reckless."

His words hung in the air and Kris' face turned red.

I stepped in for my friend. "Cousin, we didn't know..."

His anger was back on me. "What? You didn't know that old farm was the racing ground?"

My ears reddened this time. Everyone knew that among my friends and apparently so did Achilles. "You know that?"

"Of course, Patrolcus, it has been that way for years. It was there that I first...," he voice trailed off.

It took me a moment to understand what he was saying "You've raced there too!"

He glared at me. "This isn't about me."

"But it was your first - like race or fight or something -wasn't it?" Kris added in.

Achilles rolled his shoulders back and towered even taller over us. "THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME!"

Kris and I both took a step backwards in total fear.

Achilles bit his lip in frustration and sighed seeing our fear. His shoulder relaxed and he shook his head. "Yes, I've raced there."

He reached both hands out placing one on my shoulder and one on Kris's - his way of apologizing and offering a peace offering.

"Come boys, let's get your cuts cleaned up."

"How can you be angry at me at something you've done?" I was feeing brave. We followed him towards the house.

I saw his shoulder tense and then release again. "I've seen men die in chariot races."

The words hung in the air as we followed him into the main room. Kris and I both were quiet as Achilles hunted supplies. Returning, he handed Kris a clean cloth instructing him to clean his cuts.

"Let's look at that head." It almost scared me that all of Achilles anger seemed to have disappeared, especially since he was so mad

I sat down and let Achilles exam it again. He nodded a few times, "No sewing needed. Only needs to be cleaned well."

He gave me cloth to chew on as he poured what could've only been alcohol on my cut. It stung deeply and I groaned. Achilles then proceeded to search me over for any other injuries. I would have been embarrassed if he hadn't turned and done the same to Kris.

Kris doesn't have much of a home life. His dad probably wouldn't even have cared that he was racing - just as long as he wasn't in the way. Because of this Kris had took to spending a lot of time with us.

Stepping back with a nod of approval, I knew that Achilles had decided that we would indeed live.

"You...," his voice broke off and he stared at me. I kept his gaze but shifted uncomfortably. "You could have been seriously injured or hurt today, Patroclus."

"No, Kris, you need to hear this too."

I glanced at my best friend awkwardly.

"I don't always get to be the older, wiser cousin who teaches you to fight. Or who shows you how to hold a sword."

Recently, he had started teaching Kris how to fight too.

"I wish I was. I wish I could be the older cousin that you come to when you're angry at your father. The one you can complain about his punishment too." The word punishment hung in the air.

"Sometimes, I have to be your guardian." He stepped forward and I kept myself from flinching. "And you're not going to like." His voice wasn't mad anymore, but gently as if he was afraid he'd spook me.

"You cannot put yourself into dangerous situations like that." He breathed deeply through his nose again. " You're not going to like this, but I have to do this, because I cannot lose you."

I felt tears creep into my eyes and I rapidly blinked them back.

He touched my scalp tenderly. "Today it just a minor cut, but it could've been a lot worse."

"You both understand that, right?"

I managed to nod, but didn't look at Kris to see if he had done the same.

"You're both not allowed at the Myrmidons fighting camp for a month."

"A month?" We both groan in unity.

"That's not fair!" I began feeling my own anger start to rise.

"Two months then, Patroclus." Achilles mumbled.

"WHAT?" It was time for my voice to rise.

"Want to push for three?" His voice was low and I knew that he meant business.

"Cousin, please reconsider this."

"I've to keep you safe."

"You're not my dad." It was a weak argument because for the past fourteen years he has been.

"I know, but I am your guardian."

I have to practice if I am to go with him on his next battle. I cannot be left at home again. I have to be ready to sail with him and fight with him. And that means practice.

"I need the practice, just give me one month."

"Patroclus," his voice was thin, "three months."

"This isn't fair!" Taking this time away from him and from practicing, hurt worse than the gash in my head and worse than the old man's stick.

"No," Achilles voice rises slightly, "what isn't fair is that you could've died to day - trying to impress your friends. Doing something foolish and reckless."

"I hate you." I knew I hadn't meant the words as soon as they left my mouth, but I wanted to hurt him anyway. Take away something important from him as he did from me.

"You don't mean that, Patroclus." Kris cut in.

"I do." My head was pounding near my cut and my heart had sped up. "He can't take this from me."

Achilles face momentarily goes blank and then I see the hurt flecked in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Patroclus. But this is how it has to be. Sometimes lessons hurt and take a while to sink in."

"I hate you." I repeat the words, turning on my heels and leaving before they could see the hot tears that were about to spill down my face.

Achilles caught my elbow though. "Cousin," his voice was soft and I bit my lip to keep the tears from spilling down my face.

I turned slowly, trying to put as much anger in my eyes as possible. "You are mad at me for something you've probably done a hundred time."

His eyes flash, but his voice was calm. "Cause I care. I care what happens to you." He paused and moved his hand to my shoulder with a gentle squeeze.

"Maybe you shouldn't."

"He didn't mean that!" Kris spoke up again coming to stand beside me. "You did not mean that, Patroclus." He hissed, elbowing me in the stomach.

Kris knew how much I worshipped my cousin, but then he must've had known how much this particular punishment gutted me.

"My father didn't care." Achilles voice rose a little, but his blue eyes showed pain instead of anger. "He didn't care what I did as long as I was out of his way." His hand was on my shoulder now. "Until, he saw my fighting skills.." His voice faded out.

I hung my head in shame. Achilles did not talk about his father. I knew the man was also a talented warrior, but one that didn't care for Achilles. And Kris's father does not care what he is doing unless Kris is in the way - and then he has a shiny bruise to prove it. I do not remember a lot about my parents, but I do remember that I was loved.

Achilles squeezed my shoulder again. "I care though. Do you get that? I want the best for you, Patroclus. I care if you are putting yourself in needless danger. I can't lose you."

A tear slipped slowly down my face. "You put yourself in needless danger all the time." One last try at getting him to see my point.

Achilles grabbed me then, pulling me into a tight hug. "Fighting isn't everything, Patroclus. Be a kid for a little while."

I rested my head against his shoulder. "I don't really hate you," I whispered.

"I know," he returned, before stepping back.

"It stands though."

"I know."

"And Kris," I turned to see my best friend pale under Achilles's stare.

"Don't make me go home -,"

Achilles held up his hand.

"You're a good friend. Loyal."

Kris nodded slowly, confused.

"You're always welcomed around here. Always."

I think we both sighed in relief that this punishment didn't include the two of us being separated. And Kris didn't have to spend three months with his father.

Achilles turned to leave, stopping only to point at each of us. "You - three months." I felt my heart plummet again. " And you -," he pointed at Kris, "two."

He paused to let that sink in, "No, fighting. I mean it. And if I ever catch you racing again...," his voice fade out leaving the threat unspoken. "That goes for both of you."

And with that he turned and left.

"This is awful," I groaned.

"At least, he cares." Kris reminded me again and I felt my face flush. I knew Kris was thinking about his own father and how he would've reacted.

"Sorry."

"You know I wont go to camp to train, till you can."

Achilles was right, Kris was a loyal friend.

"What are we going to do, then?" It was about time for our usual training session with Achilles.

"Let's go to the beach. I hear the best waves are this time a day."

I nodded, "Alright, and on the way, we can stop and see if you Alec got in trouble"

"Yeah, maybe they couldn't find his dad, and that old man is still leading him around town." I laughed.

"Let's go."

Achilles was right, maybe being a kid wasn't so bad.


End file.
